Matt and I have some amazing news. We are going to Ireland! We are leaving on August 8th and continuing our journey on The Narrow Shoulder. It is an amazing story about how God has guided our steps and provided a way for us to continue our journey east. When Matt and I first arrived in Halifax we felt a little lost and confused. The bicycle trip had come to a complete stop at the Atlantic Ocean and our faith was about to be tested on a whole new level. The Waiting Game had begun.
On Monday, January 1st, I was sitting on the couch in our roommates living room. I was asking the Lord what His plans were for me in 2018 and what my priorities should be in this season. I suddenly heard an odd request from a familiar voice.
I want your Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Back in Winnipeg, before leaving on this bicycle trip, God had given Matt and I nine months to learn how to pray in preparation for this journey on The Narrow Shoulder. During that time the Holy Spirit had taught me how to fast and pray once a week to draw closer to God. I had continued to fast and pray every Tuesday to practice this spiritual discipline. However, now I felt like the Lord was asking me to fast on Tuesdays AND Thursdays. The idea sounded ridiculous! I was already finding it a challenge to fast once per week, how could I possibly manage more? The thought of suffering scared me and I started to doubt that the idea was coming from God. That Tuesday I fasted as usual, but on Thursday I quickly abandoned the mission and was eating lunch by noon.
An entire month went by and on Monday, February 4th, God spoke to me again. This time He gave me a picture in my mind’s eye. Jesus and I were walking on the clouds. In front of me I watched as some clouds became a white staircase leading higher into the sky. Jesus took my hand and together we started walking up the staircase. We walked up five steps.
I want your Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Oh no, not this again, I argued. I thought you had forgotten.
He didn’t respond to my shallow comments and I decided it would be unwise to ignore Him a second time. The following day, I started fasting out of obedience. However, I was still confused about this assignment. While I was commuting to work, I started to ask Him for more details.
“Okay, let’s say I actually started fasting and praying twice a week. I can’t imagine doing this for the the rest of my life. How long do you expect me to do this for?”
Until May/June.
“May/June?! That is such a long time!” I complained with fear. “I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough.”
Perfect, He said with a smile. This way you will know that it was by my grace that you accomplished this task and not by your own strength.
It was a powerful response that I could not refute.
But, why June? I thought to myself. Then I remembered the staircase into the clouds. Jesus had taken me up five steps. If I fasted until June, I will have fasted for five months. I suddenly saw a connection. If I started fasting now, I could go up five steps in the spirit with Jesus. If I procrastinated and waited until March, I would probably only go up four steps and so on. It was an invitation from God to draw near to Him and experience spiritual growth. Suddenly, I really wanted to go up those five steps. I didn’t want to miss this unique opportunity. Starting that day I began my new adventure of fasting and praying with Jesus.
How can I explain these last five months spent with Jesus? It was amazing. It was one of the most intimate experiences I have ever encountered with the Lord. By His grace it was so easy, and yet it was so incredibly difficult. Every week my faith and devotion to God was tested. Every month the journey became more intense. Every fast I learned to choose Him over myself, my husband, my friends, my job, and my own fears. And every day His grace became more abundant, more complete, and so incredibly sufficient. I learned so much about God, and I learned so much about myself. It was a season of waiting on the Lord and enjoying the pleasure of His company.
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).
On April 24, I came across an incredible revelation. I was reflecting on the scriptures in Matthew 4 when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness. Jesus fasted for forty days, being tempted by the devil, and all the while walking around in the intense heat of the Judaean Desert. Isn’t that amazing?! As I am marveling at the unwavering faith and devotion of Jesus, I have an interesting thought.
I wonder how many days I will have fasted after these five months?
So I do some rough math. If I am fasting on Tuesdays and Thursdays, that’s two fasts per week and there are four weeks in a month. Two multiplied by four equals eight. Eight days multiplied by five months equals… forty days. My mouth drops in complete shock.
Oh my goodness, I am in the middle of a forty day fast!
My heart fills with excitement and my mind whirls with the new information. I can’t help but dance and jump in the middle of my bedroom.
“This is so cool!” I exclaim. “My God is so cool! He has been leading me on a forty day fast and I didn’t even know it!”
In my excitement I push back my bangs and quickly take out the calendar on my phone. Beginning on February 6th, I start counting each individual Tuesday and Thursday until I reach the fortieth day. My counting comes to a stop on Tuesday, June 19th. For a moment my eyes are wide and transfixed on this date. Then I slowly fall to my knees, weeping and crying on my bedroom floor. It can’t be helped. I am completely overwhelmed by God’s love for me. It crashes over me like a wave. He loves me. Jesus loves me and He knows me.
June 19th… is my birthday.
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:3-4)
Leading up to my birthday, the days of fasting have become increasingly difficult. My body is weak and I feel like I am slowly dying. However, God has given me many promises and I can’t help but entertain the idea that Jesus is going to give me a birthday present. For this reason, I am so very excited leading up to my birthday, and so thoroughly disappointed when nothing happens. It was so comically anticlimactic that I remember laughing with Matt at the end of the day.
“Well so much for that theory,” Matt laughs. “Does this mean I can start applying for AME jobs across Canada?”
“I don’t know… I still don’t feel like my fasting season is over,” I admit. “I want to wait a little longer.”
“Seriously?” Matt says with a strained face. He is tired of waiting, but I can’t stop while there is still hope.
“I remember God asking me to fast until May/June. Let me honour Him by fasting and praying until the end of the month. If nothing happens by July 1st, then I agree, we should move on with our lives and start pursuing a different path. Besides, there are many ways to serve God. It doesn’t have to be on a bicycle.”
Matt agrees with this decision. But with less than two weeks remaining in the month, it is beginning to look like The Narrow Shoulder is finally coming to an end. However, behind the scenes there is a plan in motion. To win The Waiting Game, God has assigned one final test. Matt and I will receive two pieces of the same puzzle. By seeking God’s counsel, working together, and keeping our perseverance, it will unlock the hidden mystery of God’s message and blessing.
It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. (Proverbs 25:2)
After forty-one days of fasting, I have an interesting devotion while reading the book of Jeremiah. The scripture, “The Lord said to me, ‘faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah’” (Jeremiah 3:11) seems to jump off the page. I find this verse so intriguing because God is actually ranking levels of righteousness. Even more so, he is declaring that even a lack of faith has a certain level of righteousness in comparison to being unfaithful. For example,
- Faithful = most righteous
- Faithless = less righteous
- Unfaithful = unrighteous
But why is a lack of faith more righteous than unfaithfulness? I ask God.
It’s hypocrisy.
Now I understand. God loves it when I’m truthful. When it comes to faith, God wants me to be real with Him and with myself. If I have the faith, then I should live it out in action. If I am faithless, then I should be truthful and admit it. However, I am being unfaithful to God if I declare to have faith, but then fail to live it out. It is words without action, deceitful, and misleading.
My head is buzzing with this new information as I leave my bedroom. Matt is sitting on the couch and I walk over to join him. As I begin to ask Matt about his day, he interrupts me with some interesting news.
“This might sound strange, but I had a dream. It happened on the night of your birthday.”
“God spoke on my birthday?! That’s exciting, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, the dream was so short that I wasn’t sure if it was from God.”
Matt hands me the notebook that has been resting on his lap. The page is almost completely blank except for three numbers and their descriptions.
- 10 = journey/wilderness
- 16 = new beginnings
- 13 = rebellion
“The entire dream was about prayer,” Matt says. “But when I woke up I could only remember these three distinct numbers.”
“Do you know what the numbers mean?” I ask.
“According to John Paul Jackson’s Biblical Dream Dictionary, the numbers represent journey/wilderness, new beginnings, and rebellion. I believe God is showing us that we can decide between three choices for our future. One – we can continue on The Narrow Shoulder and trust that God will provide. Two – we can start a new journey and apply for AME jobs across Canada. Or three – we can stay here in Halifax and keep waiting on God.”
“So, which option do we choose?”
“I don’t know. I can’t narrow it down,” Matt says with frustration. “Come on God, give me a clue!” he calls out to the ceiling.
I laugh at his joke but I have no insight to help him. We continue to mull over the numbers as we start getting ready for bed. Then it hits me.
“Wait, one of the numbers represents rebellion!” I exclaim. “Which of the three choices was represented by the number thirteen?”
“I don’t know,” Matt admits. “I assume that ‘journey/wilderness’ represents The Narrow Shoulder.”
“And ‘new beginnings’ must represent the decision to start a new journey,” I add.
“So then, the rebellious choice must be to stay in Halifax.”
Matt and I open our eyes wide with surprise.
“We can’t stay in Halifax any longer?” Matt asks. “Why does He want us to leave?”
I know exactly why. God gave me the answer during my devotion.
“It would be hypocrisy!” I exclaim.
Matt looks thoroughly confused so I quickly explain Jeremiah 3:11 and the different levels of righteousness. Like two pieces of a puzzle coming together, my devotion and Matt’s dream make a beautiful message from God.
10 = The Narrow Shoulder
This decision is considered both faithful and righteous in God’s eyes. He asked us to go, and we left in faith. God will bless this path.
16 = Start a New Beginning
This decision is also considered righteous in God’s eyes. If we acknowledge that we lack the faith to continue our journey east, He will bless us with a new path.
13 = Stay in Halifax and keep waiting
This decision is considered both rebellious and unrighteous in God’s eyes. It would be declaring we are on a journey, acting like we have faith, but then never actually leaving. God will not bless this decision.
God’s guidance for our future was more loving than I could have hoped or imagined. If Matt and I decided to continue our journey on The Narrow Shoulder, God’s blessing would be on us. However, if Matt and I wanted to go back to our families, have our careers, and own a pug, God would bless this decision too. He really is a loving Father and offers us the desires of our hearts. Once again, God was extending an open hand towards us. It was not a command, but an invitation for us to join Him on The Narrow Shoulder. God was inviting us to follow Him on a faith journey around the world, to draw closer to Him, and experience His love in a unique way. Would we choose to follow?
By the following morning we had made our decision. It was time to live out our faith and take action. I went straight to my boss and gave her my two weeks notice. God has given us His blessing and we are going to Europe. The Waiting Game is over.
Hi Amy and Matt!!
This is so exciting and your story of faith has come at just the right time for me….thank you so very much!
May God bless you and watch over you every single day as he has from the very beginning.!!